Kina finally stood up for her right to speak freely today, ending a months-long campaign of suppression on the part of her tyrannical family. Repeated efforts by her father to silence her litany of poop comments at the breakfast table, demands for more frozen mango during school Zooms, and observations regarding butts finally reached an end as this local hero put her foot down, insisting on her right to free expression. Muttered under her breath, this cry for open debate ultimately went unheeded, as her inconsiderate audience went about their chatty business, seemingly insensitive to the brilliant emerging voice living right under their noses. “You don’t ever give me time to talk!” complained Kina, citing several instances in which her parents discussed matters as trivial as their dreams from the night before—featuring, in many cases, extremely boring passages about college, subways, worm-filled oceans, mystery roommates, sideways elevators, forgotten locker combinations, children lost in crowds, muddy boots, childhood homes, elbow handshakes, dropped masks, ice cream eaten while naked, and empty office towers. “I am just trying to tell you about She-Ra! Sssssh!!!!!” she noted, bristling at the censorship of a topic near and dear to her own heart. When contacted for comment on both the matter of She-Ra, Princess of Power, and the broader environment of forbidden speech in their household, Kina’s parents offered no response, which is pretty funny when you think about it, because they absolutely never shut up.

dad