“I Farted, Daddy”

A STATEMENT

The hard-working journalists of our newsroom once again protest the intrusion of our publisher into the editorial operations of The Daily Kina. Today, as on several prior occasions, this publication’s owner strode directly past the press to demand her headline get top treatment. Given the complexity of the editorial judgement required to lay out our front page, even the slightest pressure from the business office to reframe the day’s news stands to derail the reputation of this august institution, but the brash vulgarity of today’s top headline—a statement on our publisher’s own flatulence, directed seemingly only to our managing editor—is an existential threat to our collective efforts here at TDK. Our entire staff, from the copy desk to the art department (who were forced to depict every detail of the publisher’s gaseous emissions), to our most senior editors, stand as one in opposition to the apparent efforts of our ownership group to debase our work and undermine the nearly eight months of daily journalism that makes up this beacon of childhood memory. We call upon the publisher to respect the division of church and state that allows us to freely and fearlessly conduct investigations into her life and work; it is literally our only beat, which in some ways makes no sense at all, but people seem to like it, and so the pretense of independence is important. If you value this coverage and the integrity of The Daily Kina, we ask that you send a sternly-worded email to the attention of our publisher, who cannot read.

dad