city inspector banned from room after filing violation
As the inspection report shows, the only thing keeping this swing from collapsing is two small, tight knots wedged between the bedframe and the shelf hanging from its side. Any reasonable assessor would smack a stop-work order all over this.
“I’ll just be dry again after,” she claims raspily
Why even chug water out of these gigantic Stanley cups like we’re water billionaires when the winter air is just gonna suck it all out of us and leave us as wrinkly dusty hunks of skin after ten minutes? The ruse is exhausting.
Kid wants to know why dogs are called “dogs”, cats “cats”
Our little etymologist is fascinated by the origins of words—both the where and why of them. Who called it a dog? Why? Why do we still call them dogs? Why do we not call them “cats”? What other random syllables might we assemble to name the thing currently named “dog”? Language is an agreement, Laurea tells her in the bath one night, that things should be called things and not something(s) else. Kina’s own language is an agreement that she formed with us in the first few years of her life (and, notably, in one extremely solitary and formative year of her life in 2020—we see that take shape in the absurdist headlines of this newspaper.) It feels strange at times to watch as her language evolves as an agreement with others, too—as she becomes a New Yorker in her choice of words and accents. She’s part of the big agreement now, as are her parents and their parents and her friends and their parents.
scrappy little kid reassures daddy, who just bit his own cheek
This kid has had some tough run-ins with the pavement in the past, but also, yesterday, with a little kid in her class who just wouldn’t stop yelling at her, which made her cry, which made Mr. Ortiz call Laurea, which made both of us really mad until we remembered that these people are literally seven years old and living complicated lives with very little impulse control, and when Kina came home, it was like nothing at all had happened that day—a total walk in the park. Laurea and I had agreed not to make a big deal about anything Kina wasn’t prepared to make a big deal about, and the worst that came of last evening was that I bit the living daylights out of my cheek, and Kina found herself comforting me on a day that I thought would have been really hard for her. Think of that next time you get a pretty bad cut.
dad
p.s. Thanks to EV, JSM, MB, and C+GF for upgrading your subscriptions. Every bit of support is welcome. The newsroom appreciates your ongoing readership.
facial hair appears to be sole requirement to manage
I don’t know why she felt the need to reinforce her preexisting status as boss of this household by holding two balloons onto her upper lip. Everybody likes balloons, I suppose.
child is fascinated by the connection of family to olfactory memory
I can remember with great clarity the smell of my grandmother’s house when I was Kina’s age. There is a specific sort of dustiness in the walls that underlies something green and cool. And there is the smell of sugar and milk from the kitchen, where the water had a specific flavor, sort of floral, rocky, with just a little aldehyde. The cement floor of the breezeway smelled as cement does, and the drywall boards after years of damp did, too. I smell the dirt and the roots of the trees from the basement even through the wall, and the sweeter ground of that basement giving way to the smell of old carpet and French toast as I walked upstairs for breakfast. I smell my grandmother’s cigarettes for a while at bedtime, and then I don’t after a few more years. I recall the smell of those cigarettes and the French toast at five in the morning, when she’d arrive at the house, and her smell lingering there over breakfast and in the car. I can smell the flowers she grew in the breezeway—with the cement and the wallboard—with real subtlety. In the afternoon, with the sliding door open to the deck out back, you could just take in a bit of the river from the cove beyond the tracks. The lazy, fernlike aroma of the grass, damp at the bottom of the hill, where the air was gravelly and green.
A bird and a tree
Kina built this Parade off of a sticker, fulfilling the long-held promise of a tree.
so she can always be wherever Mommy is; also, a bed that is also a car so they can go places and snuggle
Kina has not done a lot of research on transportation machines, but her devotion to her mother is substantial, which bodes well for the whole enterprise.
critics applaud coziness of nook, which is situated under kid’s bed where the kitchen used to be; a fine nook
The nook is a criminally underrated structure, in my opinion, and Kina’s nook is one of the finest there is. It is also why we got her a loft bed. To not build a nook under one’s bed feels like a dereliction of duty to coziness.
our investigation chases down the original hugger to ask them why hugs look that way, with some arms on top and some on bottom
Wikipedia’s entry for “hug” is suspiciously mum on the inventor of the hug and their rationale for why some arms are on top and others below, which leaves our newsroom wondering what exactly they are trying to hide.
Thanks to those of you who have chipped a buck or two in so far. It all makes the next several years of writing these a bit less expensive. Let’s hope Kina’s snuggles last as long as I do.
Some interpretations of ruling even suggest that he cannot set foot in living room or cough
We do not have a very large home, and so the prospect of not talking in it—and being banned from its largest room—is pretty unpleasant. But this is the price I pay for having a seven-year-old, clearly.
The upside here is that I get to hear scary stories about the bathroom and occasionally get dressed up in blankets.
It has been 701 days since our last meaningful snow on February 13, 2022, when Kina visited the Museum of Mathematics and chucked a snowball at my head (as memorialized—at least the museum bit—in the February 14th edition of this publication).
There is no record of the snow on February 13th, 2022, because we assumed there would be some snow in the subsequent year. We regret the error and will henceforth note that it has snowed, just in case it never snows again.
NEW SUBSCRIPTION POSTSCRIPT: If you have been waiting for me to figure my stuff out regarding ways to support this newsletter now that David has to pay $29/mo for it, you have come to the right part of this newsletter. If you want to chip on in, click on “Sign up for a premium subscription” down there in the footer or go to the Subscription page and upgrade ye olde subscription. Pay what you wish, starting at a buck a month. The benefits for any and all subscriptions include our deepest gratitude and possibly a greater variety of colors in the paper.
Kina did not know how to ice skate yesterday at 3:00 PM, but after several falls, one maligned plastic skate-assisting bear, and a burst of dedication to the cause, she was tootling along with confidence (if not any particular elegance) by 4. So smitten was she by her newfound mastery that she spent the remainder of the day swaying back and forth as she walked, as if she were gliding along on freshly Zamboni’d ice. Will she make the 2036 U.S. Olympic figure skating team? Talk to me after two more visits to the rink.
A sudden windstorm sweeps through Williamsburg, and our correspondent is there to tell the tale. At eleven: Another shocking downpour; Kina demands cake.
Parade is back again, with a cavalcade of media and textures to capture this little bundle of balloons. I asked why she didn’t fill in all the letters of “Parade”, and she answered “contrast”. Okay, Picasso.
Sometimes it’s nice to do the wonderful things in your dreams that would, in real life, get you beaten up by a marine biologist.
dad
p.s. Working on the subscription payment things, if that’s something you want to participate in. If you pledged when I was on Substack, you should know that I never charged those or brought them over, so you will have the same sense of excitement again, soon.
Hi! You may notice that this newsletter looks slightly different from the thousand or so that preceded it, because I am using a different publisher to send it. I’ll probably end up tweaking the look of the newsletter a little bit in the days to come, but I’m glad to be off of my last email platform.
One thing that is different about this platform (besides the fact that it does not actively support publishing nazi and nazi-adjacent content) is that it actually costs me money, so if you find me asking here for a small (quite small) voluntary donation soon, that’s why. anything in excess of the 29 bucks a month that funds the project will go directly to Kina’s education fund or fancy dresses.
Thank you for your continued subscription to this daily newspaper. I would say I don’t know why you’re all so loyal, except I do. Kina’s great. I’m annoying. All is well.
If you haven’t ever played Exquisite Corpse, in which a drawing unfolds (literally) between players over several rounds, let me recommend it highly for those moments in which your seven-year old child is jet lagged beyond belief, and it is three in the morning, and all you want to do is just go to sleep, but the kid is wide awake. It will not help with any of that, but it’s at least slightly funny.
This is Kina’s first Parade in a bit. Good thing about having several conscious hours before anything in New York is open, I suppose. Silver linings.
Yesterday was thirty-seven hours long, by my count, but I’m awfully jet-lagged and probably shouldn’t trust my own math. All I know is that it was Thursday forever, and forever included a fourteen-hour flight around the world, a full day in the pool at our hotel in the Philippines, a robust breakfast with coconuts, and a long wait for our bags in JFK. When we got off the plane, I panicked about not having written a Daily Kina, but then realized it was still Thursday and that I had managed to elude my morning obligation by chasing night in an airplane. If you want a taste of that missing day, you can always go back to the edition I wrote for the day at the beginning of our trip that technically never existed.
Glad I’m writing this now, because I can literally feel my brain shutting down.
