Kid Only Prefers Father While Submerged In Ocean

Rare are the situations in which Kina actually prefers my company to Laurea’s, and so I’m always on the lookout for my edge. As fate would have it, being in the ocean is among those situations—a theory in development since earlier this month, now considered valid among Kinologists and other interested observers. When given the option to leap over the waves with one or the other of her parents, Kina demands me, which is a huge boost to my ego (especially in the weekend adjacent to Father’s Day). Unfortunately, this attention also means that I have very little solo floating time and am required to throw Kina in the air at least once every minute1. Still, with all the effort and my half-drownings as I hold her high above the crashing waves, I am grateful to have found a pocket of preference with her. Neither Laurea nor I understands why the ocean is my domain, or what evolutionary quirk has led to my parental advantage in the briny deep; Laurea seems only mildly troubled, though, so we’ve run with it2. I knew there was a reason I bought the beach pass this year—with unlimited parking, I’d really invest heavily in the ocean-bobbing—absent the minor hypothermia issue. The things we do for our children’s love.

Yesterday, when Laurea and I went out on a date, we stopped at Casey Rubber Stamps to buy some absurd new pieces for Kina’s growing collection of ink stamps, ultimately settling on a lobster and a cat playing a tuba. Keen-eyed observers will spot both in today’s issue of Parade, along with some fiddly little flowers and their pollinating bees. Kina drew a golden heart for me at the top left for Father’s Day. Everything else is a beehive. Kina resisted the addition of the lobster, claiming (as you will see in today’s headlines) that crustaceans cut the stems of flowers and get them soggy; accordingly, I have placed today’s shellfish out of harm’s way—a reminder to tend our gardens carefully, lest the lobster come.

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