Family Watches Paddington, Eats Marmalade

Yesterday we had a little British afternoon, bringing home cakes and scones for tea and a good screening of Paddington, which none of us had ever seen before. I will allow that this might be the pandemic speaking, but I thought it was hilarious. Kina clearly agreed, laughing at all the appropriate slapstick moments, but was most taken by the evil taxidermist, played by Australia’s hottest limited-miniseries housewife-in-a-nervous-breakdown, Nicole Kidman. Viewers of Big Little Lies will be pleased to hear that somebody else gets shoved in this one! No spoilers.

Anyhow, today’s front page features the complete list of questions Kina asked us after the movie about Nicole Kidman, her career, and the likelihood that she might be nicer in person. Much of this is reflective of her naïveté about acting, generally. When we explained to Kina that Nicole Kidman is an actor, she didn’t register that acting was something somebody did, rather than, say, somebody’s nationality; she insisted that Nicole Kidman had to have one of the two jobs that Kina is actually aware of—coworker or stylist. It occurred to me after I drew the paper this morning that Kina doesn’t really understand that actors play roles, has not yet seen any actor play a second role—let alone Nicole Kidman—and so will for the rest of her life think of her principally as the power-hungry taxidermist from Paddington. Imagine the beauty of that. One day, Kina will watch Eyes Wide Shut and say to herself, “I preferred her with the animated bear.” Me too!

In celebration of Kina’s inquisitive streak, I busted out one of my many new calligraphy pens for Nicole Kidman’s trademark flowing locks, which I believe I convincingly brought to bear on Kina’s portrait. It might be the weird peaky eyebrows that make it, actually. Very sneaky-looking. No wonder you can never really trust her in those miniseries.

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